and so this is christmas...
it has started snowing.
personally this means horrible, cold, long, dark winters for me. but this year the snow came with a different approach, both good and bad.
when the darkness starts to surround you (usually about late october) in this country, a lot of people started getting sick, depressed and a bunch of different things, so its important to find something that will brighten this period up. for some people thats tough, and for others its easy. this year for me its been a mix of both. okay, so more of the easy than hard, but something hit me hard in the face about 2 weeks ago. for sometime a really close friend of mine's dad hasnt been doing so well, and two weeks ago tomorw this friend of mine did something which i think is very brave. she texted me that he had passed away during the night. ofc i felt a pain in my heart, seeing as i have known their family for the whole 6, soon 7 years that ive been here in sweden, a true friend of mine. i know it's tough for her and her family, but sweetie you know im always here for you whenever you need me, and i love you tons <3
this is something that has been with me, and the one thing that made the darkness that much more cruel.
r.i.p kenneth <3
another thing that i have found out recently is that my grandfather hasnt been doing well either, which is a pain for my mom seeing as my grandmother is also very sick. so this means my mom and my aunt will be going back to korea again, for the 2nd time this year, and the 4th time since 2007. it troubles me as i dont like seeing my mom in this position, taking care of both of her sick parents, my grandparents. if we have to face the facts, everyone knows that we get old, and will eventually pass away, but you dont like to think about it when its about close friends and family members. and since my mom is going to be going to korea soon, it means she will miss out on the first couple weeks of advant. a family tradition in our house. i know its selfish of me for wanting her to be here seeing as she needs to be with my grandparents,but still. we have always been together during the advant weeks, decorating the house with christmas decorations, buying our xmas tree and decorating it. we wont even be doing that this year as we are going back to denmark for christmas since we have done that for a couple of years.
the good things that the darkness and snow has brought is the joy with friends. i never really used to like the snow seeing as its cold and wet. but this year i have officially changed part of my opinion. okay, its still COLD and wet, and bleh, but acting like you are 5 again can bring tons of fun back into ones life. making snow-angels, having snowball fights, drinking hot choc, eating xmas snacks and spending quality time with all those people i love, catching snowflakes on my tounge - these things make me enjoy this season even more. even though everyone says they hate being in school, face it, you love it deep down becos school allows you to do these things with friends everyday of the school week.
as christmas is coming up, i have decided i only REALLY want one thing this year: a trip in the summer to see my bestest friend Harri in england, as i havent seen her in 1½ years. but since i wont be in this country this year for christmas and as a bunch of friends arent even going to be in this continant, there's a couple more things i want, which i know i cant get until school starts again. take a guess. and especially one thing i want i cant have. <3. but as soon as i come back im expecting to meet up with all those crazy people whom i love.
so my advice to you for some christmas cheering up is:
- listen to xmas music, its the time, and you know it makes you happy.
- spend all the time you can with your friends and loved ones.
- start eating those yummy xmas snacks.
- make your xmas wish lists!
this is all from me now. have a happy xmas season!
Little Miss Clueless.
me and 3 friends enjoying the many layers of snow at school.
personally this means horrible, cold, long, dark winters for me. but this year the snow came with a different approach, both good and bad.
when the darkness starts to surround you (usually about late october) in this country, a lot of people started getting sick, depressed and a bunch of different things, so its important to find something that will brighten this period up. for some people thats tough, and for others its easy. this year for me its been a mix of both. okay, so more of the easy than hard, but something hit me hard in the face about 2 weeks ago. for sometime a really close friend of mine's dad hasnt been doing so well, and two weeks ago tomorw this friend of mine did something which i think is very brave. she texted me that he had passed away during the night. ofc i felt a pain in my heart, seeing as i have known their family for the whole 6, soon 7 years that ive been here in sweden, a true friend of mine. i know it's tough for her and her family, but sweetie you know im always here for you whenever you need me, and i love you tons <3
this is something that has been with me, and the one thing that made the darkness that much more cruel.
r.i.p kenneth <3
another thing that i have found out recently is that my grandfather hasnt been doing well either, which is a pain for my mom seeing as my grandmother is also very sick. so this means my mom and my aunt will be going back to korea again, for the 2nd time this year, and the 4th time since 2007. it troubles me as i dont like seeing my mom in this position, taking care of both of her sick parents, my grandparents. if we have to face the facts, everyone knows that we get old, and will eventually pass away, but you dont like to think about it when its about close friends and family members. and since my mom is going to be going to korea soon, it means she will miss out on the first couple weeks of advant. a family tradition in our house. i know its selfish of me for wanting her to be here seeing as she needs to be with my grandparents,
the good things that the darkness and snow has brought is the joy with friends. i never really used to like the snow seeing as its cold and wet. but this year i have officially changed part of my opinion. okay, its still COLD and wet, and bleh, but acting like you are 5 again can bring tons of fun back into ones life. making snow-angels, having snowball fights, drinking hot choc, eating xmas snacks and spending quality time with all those people i love, catching snowflakes on my tounge - these things make me enjoy this season even more. even though everyone says they hate being in school, face it, you love it deep down becos school allows you to do these things with friends everyday of the school week.
as christmas is coming up, i have decided i only REALLY want one thing this year: a trip in the summer to see my bestest friend Harri in england, as i havent seen her in 1½ years. but since i wont be in this country this year for christmas and as a bunch of friends arent even going to be in this continant, there's a couple more things i want, which i know i cant get until school starts again. take a guess. and especially one thing i want i cant have. <3. but as soon as i come back im expecting to meet up with all those crazy people whom i love.
so my advice to you for some christmas cheering up is:
- listen to xmas music, its the time, and you know it makes you happy.
- spend all the time you can with your friends and loved ones.
- start eating those yummy xmas snacks.
- make your xmas wish lists!
this is all from me now. have a happy xmas season!
Little Miss Clueless.
me and 3 friends enjoying the many layers of snow at school.
i think i love you liksom..
watch this and be amazed :)
i love my tippppan. <3
Little Miss Clueless.
i love my tippppan. <3
Little Miss Clueless.
stop the bleeding, rescue is possible.
i thought you guys deserved to hear the story about how TWLOHA started. so here it is.
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.
Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.
She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.
The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.
I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.
Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.
After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.
She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.
As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."
We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.
We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.
I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars.
She would ask you to remember.
that's the story. and shut up to all you haters, and yes i know it's depressing, but it's a heart-grabbing story. and no i have not gone emo on you. so take a chill pill.
Little Miss Clueless.
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.
Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.
She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.
The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.
I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.
Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.
After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.
She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.
As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."
We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.
We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.
I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars.
She would ask you to remember.
that's the story. and shut up to all you haters, and yes i know it's depressing, but it's a heart-grabbing story. and no i have not gone emo on you. so take a chill pill.
Little Miss Clueless.
To Write Love On Her Arms
February 13th.
November 13th.
love is the movement.
so i bet you're all wondering what this means. and now im quoting off of the fcb group. but its a fabtastic thing i think theyre doing, and they help save tons of lives.
"On November 13 write LOVE on your arm in big letters. Be creative spread the word. This is for all the survivors and all the innocent. All of the people who are hurting and who think that suicide is the only way they can turn."
"The truth is that according to the World Health Organization, depression is one of the leading causes of disability, with approximately 121 million people suffering with depression worldwide. The National Institute of Mental Health states that approximately 18 million people suffer from depression in America alone. Depression does not discriminate across age, race, gender, or class. Among teenagers it is estimated that 20 percent will suffer from depression at some point by the time they reach adulthood. There are also as many as 8.3 percent of teens suffering from depression for at least a year at a time, compared to 5.3 percent of the general population. Insprired by the work of TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms), an organization created to spread awareness for teen depression, self-injury, and suicide, we are coming together to make sure the whole world knows. During the time of year that suicide rates are at their highest, we chose February 13, the day before Valentine's Day, as our opportunity to start showing people how much they are loved. We will physically write the word LOVE on our arms (with a sharpie, or whatever other ink suits you best). If someone asks you what it’s for, tell them about TWLOHA. Tell them they are loved, that they are important. And ask if you can write LOVE on their arm as a symbol of that. Don't be afraid to reach out to those who need love, those who you often walk right by every day. They need our care."
okay, i know this sounds WAY depressing and all emo and crap, but its a good cause. so im expecting all of you to write LOVE on your arms tomorw, and if you do, comment me about it :) TWLOHA also have really cute clothes etc, and i am a proud owner of a cute little black pin.
www.TWLOHA.com
check out the site and see how it all started!
so thats all for now. check out the site, write LOVE on your arm tomorw, and enjoy your day!
Stop the bleeding. Rescue is possible.
Little Miss Clueless.
November 13th.
love is the movement.
so i bet you're all wondering what this means. and now im quoting off of the fcb group. but its a fabtastic thing i think theyre doing, and they help save tons of lives.
"On November 13 write LOVE on your arm in big letters. Be creative spread the word. This is for all the survivors and all the innocent. All of the people who are hurting and who think that suicide is the only way they can turn."
"The truth is that according to the World Health Organization, depression is one of the leading causes of disability, with approximately 121 million people suffering with depression worldwide. The National Institute of Mental Health states that approximately 18 million people suffer from depression in America alone. Depression does not discriminate across age, race, gender, or class. Among teenagers it is estimated that 20 percent will suffer from depression at some point by the time they reach adulthood. There are also as many as 8.3 percent of teens suffering from depression for at least a year at a time, compared to 5.3 percent of the general population. Insprired by the work of TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms), an organization created to spread awareness for teen depression, self-injury, and suicide, we are coming together to make sure the whole world knows. During the time of year that suicide rates are at their highest, we chose February 13, the day before Valentine's Day, as our opportunity to start showing people how much they are loved. We will physically write the word LOVE on our arms (with a sharpie, or whatever other ink suits you best). If someone asks you what it’s for, tell them about TWLOHA. Tell them they are loved, that they are important. And ask if you can write LOVE on their arm as a symbol of that. Don't be afraid to reach out to those who need love, those who you often walk right by every day. They need our care."
okay, i know this sounds WAY depressing and all emo and crap, but its a good cause. so im expecting all of you to write LOVE on your arms tomorw, and if you do, comment me about it :) TWLOHA also have really cute clothes etc, and i am a proud owner of a cute little black pin.
www.TWLOHA.com
check out the site and see how it all started!
so thats all for now. check out the site, write LOVE on your arm tomorw, and enjoy your day!
Stop the bleeding. Rescue is possible.
Little Miss Clueless.
don't i make you just lawl?
now i will start this interesting blogg off in english,, and i will switch a tres awesome language soon. yes, in a matter of fact i will switch RIGHT now to ................ drum roll please........................
DEUTSCH!
Das also bin ich spreche Deutsch. cool oder? jaa, Es ist sehr cool! Ich mag Deutsch sprechen von Zeit zu Zeit, wenn es mir albern oder seltsam, und wenn Sie nicht verstehen, HAHA. übersetzen oder etwas! ^^
HRM, was soll ich reden? Ich weiß nicht, vielleicht etwas über die Wahlen. ja ich reden über die Wahlen!! :D wie wir alle wissen Amerika ist die Auswahl ihrer nächsten Präsidenten, und auch uns Europäer sind gefangen in allen die Aufregung. albern uns! Ich meine, es ist nicht wie wir gegen solche Störungen empfindlich sein?! okay, vielleicht nur ein bisschen etwas, aber immer noch! so hoffentlich Obama gewählt wird, weil wir nicht wollen, dass Bush wieder ein anderes, nicht wahr?! denn das ist im Grunde, was McCain ist, die neue Bush. usch. also ich weiß nicht, warum ich sagen, dass WIR die ganze Zeit, denn ich bin nicht amerikanischer und können an der Abstimmung nicht teil, aber es kommt nur natürliche ... Okay, genug über die Wahlen, es macht mich müde und blää.
NICHT ICH SPRECHE GUT DEUTSCH?!?
Ich habe gelernt durch die sehr besten, meine Geliebte Tess <3 und ich habe NICHT betrügen und mit einem Übersetzer! Ich bin qualifizierte wie die YAOOWW!! :D so das ist alles für heute. Kommentare in Deutsch über meine schönen Blog! nur Deutsch!!
and in the words of my fellow classmate and Obama supporter,, GOBAMA!
Little Miss Clueless. or should i rather say,, Kleine Frau Ratlos.
(HAAH EWWW its so ugly in german XD.)
GEHEN DEUTSCHLAND!
DEUTSCH!
Das also bin ich spreche Deutsch. cool oder? jaa, Es ist sehr cool! Ich mag Deutsch sprechen von Zeit zu Zeit, wenn es mir albern oder seltsam, und wenn Sie nicht verstehen, HAHA. übersetzen oder etwas! ^^
HRM, was soll ich reden? Ich weiß nicht, vielleicht etwas über die Wahlen. ja ich reden über die Wahlen!! :D wie wir alle wissen Amerika ist die Auswahl ihrer nächsten Präsidenten, und auch uns Europäer sind gefangen in allen die Aufregung. albern uns! Ich meine, es ist nicht wie wir gegen solche Störungen empfindlich sein?! okay, vielleicht nur ein bisschen etwas, aber immer noch! so hoffentlich Obama gewählt wird, weil wir nicht wollen, dass Bush wieder ein anderes, nicht wahr?! denn das ist im Grunde, was McCain ist, die neue Bush. usch. also ich weiß nicht, warum ich sagen, dass WIR die ganze Zeit, denn ich bin nicht amerikanischer und können an der Abstimmung nicht teil, aber es kommt nur natürliche ... Okay, genug über die Wahlen, es macht mich müde und blää.
NICHT ICH SPRECHE GUT DEUTSCH?!?
Ich habe gelernt durch die sehr besten, meine Geliebte Tess <3 und ich habe NICHT betrügen und mit einem Übersetzer! Ich bin qualifizierte wie die YAOOWW!! :D so das ist alles für heute. Kommentare in Deutsch über meine schönen Blog! nur Deutsch!!
and in the words of my fellow classmate and Obama supporter,, GOBAMA!
Little Miss Clueless. or should i rather say,, Kleine Frau Ratlos.
(HAAH EWWW its so ugly in german XD.)
GEHEN DEUTSCHLAND!
what would you do ...
HIYAA peoples :)
so ima try something different now. instead of writing a blogg ima post up some pics. and i want you to comment on what you think about them. :D first words that come to your head, WRITE IT DOWN.
but firstly, one word: camels.
dont forget to comment on the pics ;)
over and out.
Little Miss Clueless.
so ima try something different now. instead of writing a blogg ima post up some pics. and i want you to comment on what you think about them. :D first words that come to your head, WRITE IT DOWN.
but firstly, one word: camels.
dont forget to comment on the pics ;)
over and out.
Little Miss Clueless.
